So, I’ve been thinking a lot lately. Mainly about “Why” and “what.”
What makes a good picture? Quality, the camera, the person who takes it? Or what’s actually in the picture?
What is happiness? What makes people happy?
Why are people so stupid?
There’s more to this, but I need to sleep now.
I got the flu and I just got over the fever.
-’Vina
Every once in a while, I remember why/how I came up with the name ‘FlashOfSummer.’ Yesterday, in computer science, I was talking to the fellow CTYer in my class. What the conversation was about, I’m not sure, but something reminded me of CTY and a little bit of PCTYD hit me again. It’s times like that that brought about FlashOfSummer. It’s the small memories of the the past summer, the years before that, who I use to be. The ones where you pretend to laugh over, “Hah hah. I use to be so silly.”, “Hah hah, I use to be such a dork.” But there’s a bit of melancholy, a bit of wanting to be that person again.
That’s my rant for the day. 
-’Vina
We got our math progress reports back today. Mine wasn’t too bad. An overall 97.2 average (not too bad, still a lot of room for improvement.) Does that sound a bit whiny? Probably. I think I rant too much about my failures a bit too much and it’s starting to tick off the people in my class. I hate how I sound and I hate most of the things that come out of mouth, or my fingers. See, more whining right here. Great.
Moving on to my original point of this post.
I showed it to my dad, hoping for a “pretty good Lavina, maybe try for the extra 2.8 to make it a 100?” Or something positive. Instead he points out the only B on sheet, an 85%.
Dad: “Which one was that one? The one you messed up on?”
Me: “Yeah… It was word problems though.”
Then he starts talking about how I need to study that more and related topics and whatnot. I pointed out that the extra credit points I got on the past few quizzes and how that would make the test grade a 91 instead of 85. I got a “That’s not something to be proud of.”
Fanfu*****tastic.
To add onto that, I was supposed to go on an all day band field trip on Thursday (12 hours of band!) and I was so excited. The teacher mentioned that the music should be easy, so I might be able to play it well! Of course, my lovely teachers decide to have three tests on Friday. Unsure of what to do, I brought it up with my parents and got a “schoolwork first” minirant/lecture thing. Lovely.
Although, now that I’ve calmed down a little bit, I do see where my dad was coming from about the B (I understand their concerns about schoolwork.) It’s not the grade that really matters, it’s the skills I have to take with me to my next class and into the future and all that stuff. I do understand that school is extremely important, but band is the reason I’m not seeing a shrink and I’m a relatively happy person. Not that I’m a depressed person, I can’t deal with a lot of stress or pressure. Or deal with it well at least.
Well, if you read this, thank you. Leave a comment maybe? No? Oh well. Good night then.
~’Vina
It’s New Year’s eve and… well… bleh. I haven’t gotten anything done this year. At all.
Bleh.
Recently, I’ve been having a roller coaster of emotions. An insane roller coaster.
This morning, I woke with an awful headache but I was content. My bed was warm, Linkin Park was playing through my headphones (my cousins got me Minutes to Midnight as an extremely late birthday present) and life was okay. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, I dragged myself out of bed and out of my bedroom. On the way to the bathroom (which wasn’t too far) I noticed my brother was still in bed, but awake. Just for the heck of it, I entered his room adn we ended up rough-housing and being silly. It was fun. After breakfast, my dad started lecturing about PSATs, SATs and study habits.
I’m not the perfect daughter, no matter how much I want it. I’m not fighting for it, prehaps because I’m scared. Of what, I’m not exactly sure. Actually, I’m afraid of a lot of unidentifiable things. My fear makes me want to collapse onto someone, but I don’t know of anyone who I can collapse onto.
This year is better than last year. I made more friends, got closer to some and my social life has improved dramatically. However, I’m not close to any of them. Actually, I’d love to open up to one or two of them, but there’s a fear that they don’t really care. I’ll always sit and listen to someone else’s problems. I don’t know if I can do anything about it, but I care about people. I just don’t know if people care about me.
Yes, this is very repetetive and crap, but no one reads this anyway, I just need to get some stuff out there.
ANYWAY. As I said before, my cousins got me Minutes to Midnight – Linkin Park, and I’ve been listening to it over and over again. It touched something deep inside, something not quite tangible, but… Anyway, it helps me self analyze myself.
I might post a whole thing later, but I’m gonna leave this for now. Too many distractions. @.@
–
New Years Resolutions:
1. Become a better person.
- Stop complaining so much.
- Stop being so selfish.
- Have more self control.
2. Become a better artist.
- Work on poses.
- Work on quality.
- Draw more often.
3. Work on photography, capture moments.
There’s more to this, but there are distractions, but…
