Hmm…

I haven’t blogged in a while, so I figured I’d do something.  I had a thought in my head and then it kinda disappeared.

It’s a bit depressing when you look at the graph of how many people visit your blog and it’s a flat line at zero.  Then again, I don’t update. .__.

So if you do happen to read this, thank you for caring a bit.

Anyway, back to my original thought (which I finally remembered.)  A friend of mine mentioned that some people have a certain “cheap” look that attracts the opposite gender?  Or something like that.  And that makes me wonder, do I have that kind of look?  And how can you tell someone looks like that?

Anyway, the weather’s been odd lately.  Last week it was absolutely terrible.  Dreary, boring bleehhhhhh.  This weekend was amazing but a bit too hot.  Today is almost  90 degrees outside.  It was too hot, even with a skirt.

I spent Saturday morning in Chinese school where I epic failed my speech.  I got up there, all ready and then a paragraph in, I blank out.  I managed to struggle through the whole thing and make a few people laugh in the process, which was good. I was one of four or five who didn’t bring up a paper to read from, so I might get honorable mention.  Hopefully.

After that we went to Chinatown and got stuck in traffic for a bit.  I managed to read a large bit of Saturn in the car.  Once we got there (me, my dad and my brother), we had a rather large lunch (a bit late though) and to top it off, got bubble tea (well, my brother got ice cream from the Ice Cream Factory.)  I can’t wait to go back to the Chinatown Icecream factory.  They have the coolest choices, such as wasabi, taro, ginger, green tea, red bean…  I had taro bubble tea instead, but it was from a powder mix and rather disgusting.  But I digress.

We then drove out of Manhattan into some other part of NY, to my dad’s uncle’s house, but with my uncle, grandma and mom in the car.  It’s always interesting visiting their house.  They have three parrots: Sam (who can talk), Lucky (who enjoys plucking out all of her feathers) and Max (who likes to fly at people.)  The last time I was there, he flew at me several times.  It’s actually kind of scary.  They also have a lot of snacks there, which is nice.  One really cool one was the rock candy.  Rock candy is basically sugar.  This one happened to come in the shape of starbits!  (For people who don’t play Super Mario Galaxy: http://www.n-europe.com/games/mario128/46.jpg) Unfortunately, we didn’t get home until 12.

Recently, I’ve gotten into reading science fiction books.  I started with re-reading Ender’s Shadow and started looking around the nearby shelves.  I especially like the works of Ben Bova. So far I’ve been reading the planet related ones (Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn) but I’m running out of planets.

Saturn is less planet related and more political, but I found it interesting.

Time for piano now. );

Chinese New Year Carnival

So, today was the Chinese New Year carnival/show.  I love it so much.  I always come back radiating good feeling.

My class’ dance was… hiphop based.  Blerg.  I had fun doing it though.  Dressing up as something different, doing something I’d never do in my life. 

This year I manned the “Bermuda Triangle” booth.  Something to do with matching triangles and numbers.  Can’t quite remember, it’s kinda late.  Anyway, I did a whole lot of yelling (like I do every year ._.;)

My partner didn’t help much, she’s cool though.

The afterwords was pretty fun this year.  I closed up the booth pretty early this time.  I usually have to keep giving tickets out until they’re gone, raising the prize and stuff like that.  I didn’t have to change the prizes this year.

Anyway, this guy made this super awesome crepe cake.  A whole bunch of layered crepes with cream in between each one.  It’s like noodles in cream. <3

I spent the last part of the night talking with my friend, my brother and his friend. I usually just watch the kareoke until my parents were done, but it helps having friends.

And I’m done now.  To tired. ^^;

Thoughs

So, I’ve been thinking a lot lately. Mainly about “Why” and “what.”
What makes a good picture? Quality, the camera, the person who takes it? Or what’s actually in the picture?

What is happiness? What makes people happy?
Why are people so stupid?

There’s more to this, but I need to sleep now.
I got the flu and I just got over the fever.
-’Vina

Flash of Summer

Every once in a while, I remember why/how I came up with the name ‘FlashOfSummer.’ Yesterday, in computer science, I was talking to the fellow CTYer in my class. What the conversation was about, I’m not sure, but something reminded me of CTY and a little bit of PCTYD hit me again. It’s times like that that brought about FlashOfSummer. It’s the small memories of the the past summer, the years before that, who I use to be. The ones where you pretend to laugh over, “Hah hah. I use to be so silly.”, “Hah hah, I use to be such a dork.” But there’s a bit of melancholy, a bit of wanting to be that person again.

That’s my rant for the day.
-’Vina

Another Year

It’s New Year’s eve and… well… bleh.  I haven’t gotten anything done this year.  At all.

Bleh.

Recently, I’ve been having a roller coaster of emotions.  An insane roller coaster.

This morning, I woke with an awful headache but I was content.  My bed was warm, Linkin Park was playing through my headphones (my cousins got me Minutes to Midnight as an extremely late birthday present) and life was okay.  Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, I dragged myself out of bed and out of my bedroom.  On the way to the bathroom (which wasn’t too far) I noticed my brother was still in bed, but awake.  Just for the heck of it, I entered his room adn we ended up rough-housing and being silly.  It was fun.  After breakfast, my dad started lecturing about PSATs, SATs and study habits.

I’m not the perfect daughter, no matter how much I want it.  I’m not fighting for it, prehaps because I’m scared.  Of what, I’m not exactly sure.  Actually, I’m afraid of a lot of unidentifiable things.  My fear makes me want to collapse onto someone, but I don’t know of anyone who I can collapse onto.

This year is better than last year.  I made more friends, got closer to some and my social life has improved dramatically.  However, I’m not close to any of them.  Actually, I’d love to open up to one or two of them, but there’s a fear that they don’t really care.  I’ll always sit and listen to someone else’s problems.  I don’t know if I can do anything about it, but I care about people.  I just don’t know if people care about me.

Yes, this is very repetetive and crap, but no one reads this anyway, I just need to get some stuff out there.

ANYWAY.  As I said before, my cousins got me Minutes to Midnight – Linkin Park, and I’ve been listening to it over and over again.  It touched something deep inside, something not quite tangible, but…   Anyway, it helps me self analyze myself.

I might post a whole thing later, but I’m gonna leave this for now.  Too many distractions. @.@

–

New Years Resolutions:

1. Become a better person.
- Stop complaining so much.
- Stop being so selfish.
- Have more self control.
2. Become a better artist.
- Work on poses.
- Work on quality.
- Draw more often.
3. Work on photography, capture moments.

There’s more to this, but there are distractions, but…

Healing

I’m still suffering from Post CTY Depression – it’s almost been a week since I’ve gotten back – but it’s still here.  It’ll probably never leave.

I’ve had my first real human interaction since CTY today.  Interaction with family doesn’t count.  I went over to Eden’s today and I think it worked on my PCTYD.  I still talked mostly about CTY, but I didn’t have the chance to wallow.  Which I’ve been doing most of the time.

We went to Barnes & Noble’s and I was planning to get my brother his present but then I saw the price (it was a hardcover book) so I figured waiting to come with my parents to come and using their B&N membership card would be a bit smarter.  However, I saw the bible version of The Ultimate Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and I knew I couldn’t wait for my parents to get that one.  Also, they’d probably make me get the paperback version of it (a whole dollar less.)  It’s “bound” in fake plastic and the outside of the pages is gold.  It’s so pretty and it makes me so happy. 8D

Watching the Olympics is rather taxing and sleep depriving.  My parents have been watching past twelve while I’ve been trying to sleep at eleven and I’m still sleep deprived.  That’s probably why these blogs have been so sloppy and repetitive.  Go me.  My entire family has turned into Phelps’ fans though.  It’s kind of weird, but fun never the less.  GO PHELPS!

And so, this concludes my post.  Good night.

Back

I’m back from CTY and I HATE it.  The “real world” is my least favorite place right now.  I wanna go home, back to Lancaster with Andrew and Tiffany and Anna and Laura and Caroline and Tom and Charlene and everyone awesome.

I’m a five year freak.  I could have had two more years of heaven.  Two.  At this point, I don’t want to get a job, I don’t want to be productive, I just want to go home.

I’m not the same person as I was when I left my house those three weeks ago.  I’ve change, but I don’t know how.  I can’t do anything anymore without being reminded of CTY and at times I want to start sobbing uncontrollably. Just last night, just as I left my room, I started panicking as I realized that I didn’t have my spoon or keys on my lanyard.  I was thinking, “Oh crap.  I locked myself out.”
Then I realized I could not get locked out, and even if I somehow did, the key was right above the doorframe.
I’m having a hard time adjusting back to life here, but I also don’t want to.  I’m afraid I’ll slowly start to forget, just like every other year.  Except this time, there is no next time for me to look forward to, no next time for me to let me redeem my mistakes, no next time for me to relive it all.
Even if somehow, my parents decide to let me go back next year, I don’t think I would be able to do it.  I lived this year knowing it was my last and it was a damper on my happiness.  I don’t think I would be able to do that again.  If I went back in two years, it would be just as bad and I’d probably be one of the oldest people there.

Some people suggested that I tell my parents about how awesome CTY is, how it affects me, what it does to me, so they would let me come back.  I can’t do that either.  Most people want to tell others about their CTY experience, but I don’t.  My memories of CTY are my safespace.  CTY itself is my safespace and I don’t want to let anyone else in.  They’d alter it, whether it be intentional or unintentional.
Also, they tell my aunts and uncles everything.  Is it really their business if I cry after CTY?  Is it really any of their business at all?  Honestly.

What my Passionfruit Speech was supposed to be:

Hi, I’m Lavina.  Most people know me as Emo Kitteh, or panda hat girl.  I’m actually a five year freak with two more years left.  I wish I could stay.

These two years at Lancaster have been the best of my life.  I’ve experienced so many things here that never would have happened anywhere else.

I’ve raved in the circle, slowdanced, worshiped a cardboard unicorn, absorbed awesomeness from a wurmicorn,
I’ve been poked, attacked, tickled, hit in the head with glowsticks and frisbees, “eaten” glasses, slightly molested and boobtagged.
I’ve learned how to dance, how to glowstring, how to be myself.

I love CTY and I love the Passionfruit.

Thanks and Love to (in no particular order):

Andrew- for making this the best few weeks of my life, for everything we did together, for putting up with my stupidity, for the hugs and kisses, for the late night phone calls, for everything.
Anna- for coming to Lancaster instead of Carlisle for your last year and meeting all of us, for being just as ticklish as I am, for your awesome sense of humor and crazy, cackling laugh
Laura- for your awesome glowstringing skills, for your questions that stump Jason, and for your awesome telescope skillz (so we all got to see Jupiter)
Tiffany- for being one of my first friends this year, for waiting for me to get ready in the morning (and for the one time you didn’t), for lending me your eyeliner sharpener and for putting up with me the entire session
Caroline- for being the unofficial hall squirrel, for being so adorable, for your odd expressions you have while you glowstring, for unleashing your inner crazy in time for us to see it, and for cracking Washington’s glowsticks
Charlene- for being the unicorn (and inspiring the high and holy wormicorn), for your crazy stories during the last sleepover, for almost stealing my book, and for your crazy flipflop experiment
Sam- for learning how to three beat and reverse three beat in two hours, for finding typos in the books, for inspiring the wormicorn and for making class interesting
Melissa- for being my ‘boyfriend’ for Second Saturday (until you changed), for your crazy self-control over Breaking Dawn, for the only girl in the Logic class that really hung out with Astro people
Dena- for making it happen, for being the same Dena.  Nuff said.
Tom- for attempting to teach me three-beat, for showing me how to do sunburst, for switching glowsticks with me so they matched, and for stealing all my duct tape for your Blammo knife.
Washington- for your amazingly adorable puppy dog face, for being the only one in the class who likes anime, for knowing the Hare Hare Yukai (or at least part of it), and for the glowsticks
Will- for making life interesting, for letting me adopt you as the family dog

And thank you, whoever you are, for reading my overly disorganized blog post.